Adoption Within the Family
Adoption is a very special thing. It requires massive sacrifice from all parties involved for the benefit of a child or group of children. This is an event every bit as precious, exciting and life changing as any other birth. When it comes to adoption, extended family presents a special set of challenges and rewards unique to the situation. Thinking this through ahead of time can save a lot of turmoil later on.
Intra-Family Adoptions
Adoptions within the extended family can come about in a variety of ways. No matter how the situation came to be, those involved need to remember that this goes far beyond being just another open adoption. With the normal open adoption, the birth mother stays in touch, on some level, with her child. This may amount to nothing more than a letter or two a year, to pictures, or in some cases possibly even occasional visitation. When the adoption happens within the family, the amount of potential contact really goes up.
Think about what a birth parent gives up when putting a child up for adoption. It is often a difficult and gut wrenching decision. For some, a closed adoption is preferable because the clean break is less painful to deal with. Those that have a child adopted within the extended family choose not only to have regular contact with the adoptive parents, but also to have the child remain a significant part of their lives. Approaching the situation as a partnership is often the best route to take.
Involving the Birth Mother
The adoptive parents should consider allowing the birth mother to take an active part in prenatal care, provided that all parties are comfortable with this. Discuss issues such as whether or not to let the child know he or she is adopted, and if so, how many of the details of the adoption to reveal. This will vary widely based on circumstance and family. Of course, not all adoptions take place at birth, or infancy. There are times when these extended family adoptions take place with older children.
Where older children are concerned, the process is a bit more involved. Adoptions within the family happen for a variety of reasons. However, with older children it is usually because the parents are removed from the scene either through illness, death, or legal issues. This transition is hard for the child and will require open conversation and the assistance of a counselor or therapist. If possible, try to gain the support and input of the larger extended family.
Adoptions are very special events--every bit as special as any other birth or addition to a family. When an adoption happens within the family, it has the potential to be really great. Preparation for in-family adoption should be just as careful and thorough as preparing for a new baby. Adopting a child means thinking about how to set up the home, how to discuss the new addition with the people and loved ones around you, and also how to conduct yourself with the birth parents if that is an issue. It also means having a child to love and care for, which makes everything worth it.
