Everybody always thinks that romance after marriage dwindles. So, is that true?
It's the cliché thought: romance after you get married changes; not to mention throwing kids into the bunch too. Sometimes life can get in the way of doing the dirty deed: career, children, and housework. But does romance change after marriage? Are there ways to avoid it and spice up your marriage? We talked to an expert to find out! Neil Cannon, certified therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist, tells the truth about romance after marriage along with some great tips to spice it up every once in awhile. Check out this ask the experts article and surprise your hubby tonight with all that you have learned!
Will Intimacy Change After Marriage?
"Yes, sex changes after marriage. It is not generally the marriage certificate that causes the change," Cannon says but he says the more usual cause is the shift from limerence to a more mature relationship. The limerence period is the infatuation stage, also called NRE or New Relationship Energy. Cannon says limerence generally lasts for six months to two years. "After the New Relationship Energy has worn off, couples have bonded and have other strengths and things they find attractive about each other, presumably trust, intimacy and connection," he says.
Cannon says that in healthy relationships, he doesn't want couples to avoid limerence because that new relationship energy doesn't continue forever. Cannon says that in healthy relationships, couples in long-term relationships find a 'groove' that works for both of them most of the time. "Few couples have toe-curling sex day in and day out. The reality is that in most marriages, good sex most of the time is a lovely thing!"
Spice It Up After Marriage
Cannon says one of the best ways for couples to spice things up is to be curious with each other. Here is an exercise he says couples can try by taking turns completing the following sentences:
Lovemaking would be better for me if ______________.
Something I would like to try is ____________.
My number one adult fantasy is ___________________.
A fantasy we have not done, but I would like to try is ________________.
One thing we did a long time ago that I loved and would like to do again is __________________.
Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone to answer these questions. You'd be surprised and excited by the answers!
Has your romantic life changed after you got married? If so, now you know why and you can try these tips to spice it up! Role-play, try new places to have make love, or try something you two have never done together. To learn more about Neil Cannon and to find out more about romance after marriage, check out his website at doctorcannon.com.