Protocol for Healthy Kids In Divorced Families
It can be a hard thing to face the end of your marriage. For some of us it can be a very painful, especially if the break up is an ugly one. You may have some very hard feelings regarding your ex-spouse. Some of us may want to voice these feelings, but what if you have children who are involved in this divorce? How do you keep from bad mouthing your ex-spouse for the sake of your kids?
Inappropriate, Harmful Information for Children of Divorced Parents
Bad mouthing your ex spouse can be an easy trap to fall into after getting a divorce. Maybe you don’t mean to do it, maybe your not even aware your doing it. Some of us question how can we not do it when the person cheated on us, betrayed our marriage, and left us for someone else. Perhaps they walked out on us and abandoned the children. These are all good reasons for being bitter and wanting to bad-mouth you ex spouse. However, if you have children this might not be a healthy thing to do in front of them. Despite what your ex-spouse has done to you, he or she are still your child’s parent. For the most part they will still play a part in their child’s life, and even if they don’t the kid’s may want to hold out hope that one day they will want to be in their lives.
If you were bad mouthing your ex spouse in front of your child, or did it where she could overhear it, this can lead to her being confused and even feeling torn as to which parent she should be supporting. She could end up having feelings of resentment toward you for saying such things about her other parent. She might even start to resent your ex spouse as well, because she may start to believe the things you are saying or believe this is what you would want her to do. As hard as it may be, for your children’s sake, it’s really important to get your anger under control, and deal with what happened to your marriage. This will not only be beneficial for your kids, but for you as well. Making peace with the break up of your marriage will help you to be able to move on with you own life.
Tips for Overcoming Anger with Your Ex
Remember what it was that first made you fall in love with this person. You don't need to love them again, but remember that your ex was once the person you wanted to be with. Another way to move through the pain of a breakup, is to come to an understanding for the sake of the kids. Even if you can’t bring yourself to be friends with your ex he or she hurt you way too much, try to at least be civil. No one is telling you to socialize with your ex, but for your children’s sake at least find a way to co-parent in a way that supplies a healthy environment. Also, try to never argue over the break up in front of your children. Once again, this makes them feel like they have to pick a side. Talk to a close friend to vent out your anger over the divorce, but remember only do this when your kids aren’t around, and once you have talked it out, let it go. If you don’t want to unburden yourself on a friend, a family member or even a therapist is another choice. You can even pick a time when no one is at home and just hash it all out to yourself aloud. Write your feelings down in a letter and then burn or hide it so your kids will never find it. If you can, talk to your ex-spouse about the break up and what it did to you. This can be important to ensure that he or she doesn't bad mouth you in front of the kids and to help you both move on. Try to let go of this anger and resentment; it’s the only true way to put this break up behind you and to truly move forward. Divorce is never an easy thing, but bad mouthing your ex spouse can make it even worse for you and your children.