Easiest Way to Leave Your Lover
If you grew up in the seventies, you no doubt remember the song by Paul Simon "Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover." Truth be told, most of us would just like to know one way to break up with someone. After all, breaking up with someone is never an easy thing to do no matter what the circumstances. So what is the best way to break up with someone?
How to Make a Clean Break
Breaking up with someone is hard. There is no other way to put it, especially when you are referring to a marriage. This is the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, only to find that this won't be the case. But ending a casual relationship can be just as difficult. What happens when the dream of love is shattered? Maybe one day you realize that you aren't the same people you once were--that you have different dreams for the future. Maybe your partner is changing or going in a direction you don't want to follow. Maybe you find yourself attracted to someone else. Maybe the feelings just aren't there any longer. Regardless of the reason, it's important to find the best way to break up for your situation.
In almost any circumstance, the best way to break up is to make a clean break. Leading a person on and letting him believe that nothing has changed in your relationship isn't what is best for him or for you. Honesty is always the best course of action. There are a few exceptions to the rule, but usually its best to break up with someone face to face. Try to remain calm, rational, and state your feelings as best you can. Try to refrain from using that old statement, "it's not you; it's me," even if this is true. There are better ways to articulate your reason for the break up. If it's possible to do so, make the break up as private as possible. Breaking up in public with lots of people around will only make him more defensive because he will feel like he is being humiliated.
Sometimes it isn't possible to break up face to face, especially if you find yourself in a long distance relationship. Then the best course of action, and perhaps the best way to break up, is to write a letter. A dear john letter can be very hard to swallow, but it's easier to handle than a text message or an email. If you can find the guts to do so and its possible, you could also call the person on the telephone. Once again, the break up won't be easy, but it would be best for all involved to end it.
Ways Not to Break Up
Breaking up the right way is a matter of being honest and genuine about your feelings. That being said, there are a lot of ways to break up the wrong way. Avoid the following:
- Don't break up duing a holiday or siginificant event like a birthday or anniversary.
- Don't try and break up by ignoring your partner or distancing yourself.
- Don't cheat on your partner before you have officially broken up.
- Don't lie about your reason for breaking up.
- Don't blame the breakup on an outside factor like a job or family member.
- In most cases, don't try to "just be friends." It's better to make a clean break and move on.
- Don't drag out a break up. Say your piece, let your partner say his, and be done.