How Young Is Too Young For Your Child to Have Sex?

There has been a recent trend among parents of teens. A small but growing number of parents allow their teens to have sex at home, reasoning that if the kids are going to do it, they might as well do it with a bit of parental "supervision." Other argue that his is nothing more than children having sex, and that parental permission only make sexual mistakes more likely.   

Setting Up Rules for Children about Sex       

No matter where you fall on the issue of kids having sex, the reality is that it is happening. The median age for people in America to start having sex is 17, and it's even lower in certain areas and among certain groups. Current research finds that roughly 47% percent of teens in 9^th to 12^th grade report having had sex, with over 60% of 12^th graders reporting that they are sexually active.

So, there is no denying that teens having sex is nothing new, but should parents actually allow it? Some contend that sex is harmful for teens while others claim that it's time to give up on outdated thinking and embrace reality. There is research to support both sides.

Teen Sex Research

Studies have shown that having sex at a young age, 15 or younger, can cause mental health problems, especially in girls. For young girls, early sex is often an indicator of abuse, coercion or even rape. Kids who have sex at an early age are more likely to engage in other risk-taking behaviors like drinking alcohol, using illegal drugs and break the law. It's important to note, however, that having sex isn't shown to cause these behaviors, only to correlate with them.

On the other hand, research shows that having sex after the age of 17, whether casually or in a committed relationship, has no measurable effect on mental health, happiness, or success in later life. Some parents feel that if their children have reached the legal age of consent and are otherwise healthy and responsible, there is no reason for them not to engage in sex at home.

So the question remains, how do you handle a teen who wants to be sexually active? Your religious beliefs or convictions may already have supplied you with an answer. If this is the case, make sure to express your feelings to your teen. Explain that you don't want to deny his sexuality, but that you expect him to live by your rules while he is under your roof, and that you'll hope he'll continue to live this way once he leaves home. Be respectful and understanding and he will be more likely to acknowledge your requests and come to you for help in the future.

Questions to Ask Yourself If You Are Considering Allowing Your Teen to Have Sex at Home

• Is he/she emotionally mature enough to handle the complicated feelings that come with sex?
• Does he/she have access to birth control and know how to use it properly?
• Is he/she able to communicate clearly with a partner about sexual limits and boundaries?
• Will allowing sex at home bring unintended pressure on your teen to become sexually active before he/she is ready?

In addition to these questions, you should be ready and willing to openly discuss your sex rules with the parents of your teen's partner. Of course, you should also talk to your teen about your idea. It may be that he is so mortified over the thought of having sex at home that he would rather remain abstinent until college!