Your heart is broken and you don’t know how to cope. Ending a relationship, that you thought had promise and would be forever, is devastating. Yet, there is a reason for the termination of the relationship and you know what it is. At times, the pain of loss is worse than the pain of staying. Some of us go back and some of us don’t. Some of us wanted to split and divorce while some of us were “dumped.” Still, the pain of divorce and breakup is real. Here are ways to help cope.
How to Cope with a Breakup or Divorce
When the relationship has gone sour, it still hurts to end it, and it is a wise girl to leave when things get really bad (to the point of no return). Coping with a divorce or breakup hurts because now we are dealing with the loss of dreams that were shared and commitments made. It is normal to feel incapacitating grief, stress and downright disappointment.
When faced with a breakup, we are suddenly launched into uncharted territory or the unknown.
- What will the future bring?
- Will I ever be happy again?
- Will I end up a spinster?
Fear is normal when coping with a divorce or breakup. But learn to deal with the breakup or divorce with the following tips.
Immediate Steps to Take After a Breakup or Divorce
- ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS: Understand that it is normal to have a myriad of feelings. You may feel confused, angry, fatigued, sad and frustrated. You may feel anxiety about the future. These feelings will diminish as time unfolds. No matter how bad the relationship was, it is normal to be afraid about the future.
- GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL: Let yourself function at a lesser optimum level. You are human and give yourself time to regroup. Share the information with your supervisor (if you feel comfortable) so they know what is going on. A good supervisor will understand and give you a berth for a bit.
- SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH OTHERS: Share your loss with family and friends. Consider signing up for a support group so you can share stories and get your feelings out. It is very natural to want to cloister yourself and withdraw from society but to do so invites health compromises, reduced concentration and elevation of stress levels.
Tips for Coping
- Let yourself cry. Let yourself feel. There will be feelings indicative of a rollercoaster ride. Do not suppress these feelings.
- Tell yourself (because it’s true) that you do have a future and you will find happiness again.
- Keep the end goal in mind; that you are moving on and think positively about the future. Envision yourself whole and healthy both mentally and physically.
- Recognize the difference between full-blown depression and circumstantial dark days. The sadness should lift in time. But if it doesn't, you need to see a doctor for clinical depression. Getting outside help does not mean you are weak.
Believe in yourself and look forward optimistically to a fruitful, healthy, love-filled future. You are an “original copy” who deserves happiness.