Straight Up Advice for Women in Transition
Avoid making the huge divorce mistakes women have made in the past and consider your life after marriage. Most women think that when facing a divorce, the worse mistake a woman can make is not getting what she thinks she’s worth, the old “take him to the cleaners” mentality. But there are so many other divorce mistakes women make that are far more detrimental to her and her children's future lives after a marriage has ended.
Top 7 Divorce Mistakes Women Make
No one thinks about divorce during their marriage. Surely, women who marry out of love and devotion don’t sit back and contemplate life after marriage. If a woman has had such thoughts, then either the marriage was an all-out disaster from the start or she feels she needs vindication for something that occurred within the marriage like infidelity or abuse. If you're heading toward divorce, consider some of the most common divorce mistakes women make so that you can avoid future problems.
- Losing track of pre-divorce finances
So many women fail to get involved with family financial matters during the marriage. The worse divorce mistake some women make is not having a clue about their financial situation before a divorce. This can set any woman up for a rude awakening. Participating doesn’t mean just knowing how much money your husband brings home monthly, but how much debt you’re in as a couple as well. Remember that you’re tied to joint bank, credit card and other credit accounts. Know what is going on financially before you start thinking about getting all you can in a divorce. Sometimes it means you’re not getting a dime, if your linked to a lot of martial debt.
- Failing to plan for your future income
One of the biggest divorce mistakes a woman can make is not planning for a financial future. This is not to say that you’re expecting your marriage to end. Rather, planning is a proactive way to ensure that your financial future will not fall greatly in the event of your husband’s death, disability or yes, of course, divorce. You should never feel as if it’s up to your husband to support you for the rest of your life. It’s even more important for you to make sure you set future income plans to help support your children’s education.
- Using the children to get back at your husband
Using your kids to get back at your spouse is one divorce mistake to avoid all together. Pitting your kids in the middle of a nasty divorce has got to be one of the dumbest things a woman can do. The truth is that you are not hurting the spouse more than you’re hurting the kids. If you think you're going to automatically get custody of the children, and you're going to make it hard for your spouse to see and spend time with them, then you have another think coming. Custody is based on what’s best for the kids. There is always a chance you may not win custody, so don’t rely on child support and/or sole custody.
- Failing to consider divorce mediation
Women can make a big mistake during the divorce if they don’t sit down and consider the benefits of having the divorce mediated instead of utilzing an adversarial divorce proceeding. When you go through the divorce court process, you and your husband give up control over the final decisions regarding your marriage and leave it up to a judge to decide your fate. Mediating a divorce is better, because you can bring out all the points you would like to cover including custody and financial matters. Plus you can resolve many of your financial issues on your own instead of allowing someone else to tell you what you deserve and can live off of.
- Letting your emotions rule
Many women make bad divorce mistakes by letting their emotions rule the situation. The divorce itself is hard enough, thinking irrationally can only worsen the pain. The disappointment of ending your relationship brings out a number of emotions, but the biggest feeling some women struggle with is the desire for revenge. Save yourself emotional strain and mental anguish by not letting your emotions rule your decision-making with regard to ending the marriage and dividing martial assets.
- Failing to make reasonable assumptions for child care
Divorce mistakes made by women include making unrealistic assumptions about the cost to care for your children. You may be mistaken in assuming that a certain amount of money is sufficient, which is often a result of inaccurately calculating all the relevant factors and total child care cost. This includes health care, education, day care services, clothing and shared costs for extra curriculum activities like school sports and music lessons. Remember calculations are based on a per-child formula and you must also realize that your current income, if any, is jointly considered in the financial matters of child support.
- Looking for alimony instead of residual income
This has to be the worse mistake women make with divorces. Sure you want to keep your home and all the amenities tied up in a marriage, but many women fail to think about using the home as residual income or the preservation of future income. Keeping the house and expecting the alimony to cover the mortgage is simply unwise and a choice made without forethought. Unless you have substantial income, you need to think about making those house bills and insurance payments. Make sure you consider the importance of the preservation of income, especially when your income is lower than your husband's. Keep in mind that alimony doesn’t cover all the bills.
Divorce matters are tough to determine but the bottom line is you want to keep a clear head with reasonable expectations. Don’t expect your attorney to have your best interests in mind if you’re not considering them yourself.