A heart to heart with one of the most talked about husbands on the new hit series.
Already renewed for a second season after a few episodes, FYI's Married at First Sight has become a captivating look at those brave enough to meet their new husband or wife blindly at the alter. In this exclusive interview with one of the most highly discussed husbands on the show, Vaughn Copeland, we explore his experience, advice, and the reasons why he chose to put everything on the line and be Married at First Sight.
In the event you haven’t had the chance to tune into this incredibly compelling series, the show takes the difficulty of finding love in today’s busy world of dating dilemmas, technology, careers, and romantic uncertainty into it’s own hands.
This new spin on the path toward marriage is a daring social experiment that utilizes extensive matchmaking techniques to find lifelong partners for individuals committed to the chance of finding true love. Those on the show put their fate in the hands of experts and specialists – spiritualist, Greg Epstein; sexologist, Dr. Logan Levkoff; sociologist, Dr. Pepper Schwartz; and psychologist, Dr. Joseph Cilona. It’s an intense approach to a legal marital union for companion craving couples who’ve never seen each other until they walk down the aisle and into the arms of their new prospective soul mate. After a few weeks of giving it their all, they have to decide if they are in it for life or have decided to divide.
WF: What was this experience like for you, overall?
Vaughn: Overall it was an amazing experience. I’m true to form that I am picky and was not having much of a dating life persay. I was focusing on what can I do that’s different and might open some doors. I saw the casting call for the show and was just blown away by when I met the experts and how genuine they seemed and the whole team. It really wasn’t the typical reality show, let’s just get bodies in here, it was like... who’s really serious about finding their soul mate? We’re here to make that happen and as a side note we’re also going to put in on TV.
WF: What made you decide to take such a big leap of faith?
Vaughn: It’s like what I said at the wedding reception – with great risk comes great reward. And I’d also like to quote Albert Einstein, "The true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So for me it was just [being] tired of the bar scene, the club scene, online dating, dating through family members, you can name it, through churches... I feel like I have tried it all. It was almost one of those things – well let me get out of my own way and possibly the right person could be found through them and it could be a match made in heaven!
WF: Knowing what you know now, would you do it again?
Vaughn: Absolutely! I definitely live my life with no regrets, and through this experience I’ve learned a lot about love, definitely a lot about TV perception and choosing your words carefully. I’ve learned a lot about myself, positives and negatives, and through that I think it’s a growth and something a lot of people don’t get the chance to do, so I don’t regret it and if I had to do it all over again, I would 100%!
WF: Has your perspective on love and marriage changed at all?
Vaughn: I feel like it’s kind of reinforced how I’ve always felt. A marriage has got to be based on...definitely open communication and compatibility and I really believe at the core that you have to be with somebody you’re friends with, somebody where you guys genuinely care about each other and like each other as people. Then around that grows love and the kinds of things that people really always look towards: trust, true friendship, the day to day stuff that makes you go. That’s the person I’m really fighting for because at the end of the day, I know that person’s got my back and I’ve got theirs. I would die for them and we’re building a life together. Those kinds of things that everybody looks forward to when they’re seeking a mate.
Watch Vaugn and Monet's pairing here:
WF: What are some things you learned about yourself that you may not have expected to through this experience?
Vaughn: I’ve learned that you kind of have to watch what you say sometimes. I think that my military background of being such a man’s man and usually being around so many guys, sometimes you have to kind of smooth talk the ladies a little bit more. I think I’ve learned that through certain comments that seem to get lots of attention on the show. But, perception is everything and I’ve learned that people don’t always take things possibly how I might have meant them so it’s important to choose your words carefully.
WF: One of the things that made you and Monet different from the very beginning is that there was a clear physical attraction and you consummated your marriage on the first night. Do you feel like that decision played a role in the tension that lived in the beginning of the marriage or your ability to communicate outside the bedroom?
Vaughn: Looking back on that, I think that we definitely both wanted somebody that had a high sex drive, and so we connected there. I think because we jumped so head forward into things, we really didn’t work on the communication as much as some of the other couples did. I don’t know if that was necessarily the reason why the communication wasn’t there. I think it points towards how important emotional compatibility and physical compatibility is.
If anything, I think it just pointed out that in a marriage you have to have both. We focused kind of heavy on the glamour of it all and jumping into bed but, as America sees, if you don’t have that emotional compatibility then that is something you really have to work on or it will rear it’s ugly head very quickly.
WF: What is the one thing in the episodes that have aired so far that you wish you could elaborate on?
Vaughn: I would like to say that I 100% did NOT do this to get famous or to be on TV. It was really just like, OK, being on TV is something that I’m going to have to deal with. I did this 100% to find the love of my life, to be married, to start building a life together with this person and transition into where I see my life going and this is an opportunity for that to happen. So that is primary. I want to reinforce that was genuinely my goal in doing this. I would ask that people take into consideration that me and Monet really have lively dinners and conversations. There’s a lot of things that people don’t see.
When you see certain comments, especially the ménage trois, I’d like to say that a lot of questions were asked that night as far as cheating, kids, family, her past relationships, and my past relationships. It was very lively and a few drinks were had… people didn’t get to see the whole picture and just that one thing stood out. I really wasn’t looking to set up a ménage trois with Monet as my new wife. We were throwing questions at each other to kind of test the waters to see how comfortable we were. As far as I remember it, Monet didn’t seem that offended by it, but if I knew how it would've been received I never would have asked that question.
Vaugn and Monet discuss sex, and it gets tense:
WF: Having had this rare experience that not many people can relate to, do you believe that love can be created based on science or in this case the result of a series of questions?
Vaughn: I think that the show is absolutely on to something and will probably continue on for God knows how long, so I would say it’s very possible. The problem is, will the couples get out of their own way? Will they come out of their shells and really put the work in and really lay their heart on the line to be vulnerable in this type of situation? There were days, hours... a lot of time put into these questionnaires and if people answer them truthfully, and out 100 percent effort to this, I definitely think it’s something than can work.
WF: Do you feel that noticing the inability to be vulnerable in someone else restricted your ability to see the lack of vulnerability in yourself?
Vaughn: I would absolutely say that if I’m with someone who is invulnerable and isn’t opening up, it’s going to be hard for me to open up, especially in this type of situation where two random people were so ready to find love and be married that they were willing to marry a stranger on TV. If there is ever any time to lay it all out there on the line, I would think this would be that time.
After this last episode, everyone actually saw that Monet opened up and things started going pretty well. To give some advice to some of your female readers, you get out what you put in. Everyone’s been through a lot in their life and we all have our guards up but if we continue to always have our guard up and never allow some type of vulnerability, a man’s always going to read that and echo that energy back. Married at First Sight is the proof is in the pudding - you get out what you put in. Once Monet opened up, I was allowed to open up and I really felt like we were starting to build something and the relationship greatly improved.
WF: Love and compatibility - can one exist without the other?
Vaughn: Absolutely not. That’s tough, because apparently Monet and I were supposed to be the most compatible and that’s what I heard from people behind the scenes. We were going to be the easy couple. Monet and I heard that and we both got to a point where we were really like "what’s going on here, let’s try and work on this because everybody else really thinks that we should be compatible and we did this for a reason, let’s give it a shot." I’m a firm believer that if compatibility, emotionally and physically, is not there, it’s very hard to have true love.
WF: Do you believe in love at first sight and is your answer the same now as it was before participating in this show?
Vaughn: I’ve got to be honest, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe we feel some type of lustful energy buds inside of us, and I believe in lust at first sight. But true love at first sight is just not something I don’t necessarily believe in. It’s something I never believed in and still don’t, not because of the show, simply because that’s my opinion.
WF: What lessons do you feel you learned about love and marriage and your views on both?
Vaughn: Definitely find somebody that makes you happy, is trustworthy, allows themselves to be vulnerable, and that you both are aligned. Somebody that you feel like a communication is impressed and you feel like things just flow naturally. That’s something that I always have looked for and really tried to foot stomp to the experts. Marriage, it’s work. It’s one of those things that I truly believe is worth the time and the effort that you put in. It’s not easy, especially when moving in and facing some hard decision but it’s life. It makes life so much better when you have somebody to share those things with.
Watch Vaugn and Monet discuss their problems with one another, and how being married helps them work through the issues:
WF: Do you feel like, under these extreme circumstances, you were the husband you imagined you'd be?
Vaughn: There are points that people don’t see, but from what’s been shown so far, definitely not. I imagined my chivalrous side coming out and the way I really see myself as the guy that’s the man’s man, that’s going to go above and beyond for his woman. Somebody who likes to cook for his woman, fix anything, will protect her, make her feel ultimately safe. These are the things that I really value and normally bring to the table in a relationship. I’m trusting that things will come out. At the end of the day, I know who I am and I know what I bring to the table, and if they aren’t shown, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s not me.
WF: Would you have done anything differently knowing then what you know now and after seeing it from the outside?
Vaughn: Absolutely. I really see myself as being free spirited and enjoy taking Monet out and just being ourselves but being yourself opens you up to some pretty strong judgment. Looking back, there definitely would have been some times where I would have chosen my words more carefully and tried to be a little bit more patient. In some of the arguments you saw I could have said "Hey let’s stop, let’s do this, let’s not argue with each other, we’re not the ones that should be fighting. We’re the ones that are supposed to be a perfect match."
WF: What advice would you give to the future spouses and hopefuls for Season 2 of Married at First Sight?
Vaughn: Come into this experience with an open mind. Establish your deal breakers. Do not lie. Be as truthful as possible, because if they match you with somebody - it’s a real marriage. So, keep that in mind. Be as truthful and honest about yourself, brutally honest. Remember that you were so ready to be married that you signed up to be married on television to a complete stranger.
Take every second that you have to put your all into this relationship. It’s stressful and it’s work just trying to get to know somebody. Remember how lucky you are and don’t squander this opportunity. This person was chosen for you for a reason. Don’t ever forget that. Put your all into it. Have fun with each other and good luck!
Catch Married at First Sight Tuesdays on FYI at 9ET/10PT... and find out if Vaughn and Monet remain married.
Photo Credit: Twitter