Most of us have a Facebook. And, most of us are “friends” with a lot of people—relatives, co-workers, best friends, old roommates, and that awkward friend of a friend you met at a party three years ago. When someone “friends” us on Facebook, we often accept and never reject for fear of offending someone. Or, even worse, rejecting the Facebook friendship and then seeing them in the supermarket later that week (hey, it’s happened to me!).
Facebook is great. It allows us to keep in touch with friends and family members with a click of the mouse. But of course, with the good comes the bad: people that have no filters on facebook. Let me explain…
Things You Should Never Post on Facebook
1. Personal Messages to Your Significant Other
This is my number one pet peeve! Why must people (women especially) post cutesy messages all over their significant other’s Facebook profile? You’re in love, we get it! And love is a wonderful thing. But, your “awesome relationship” and your “awesome love” where you drink “awesome wine” and have an “awesome time together” is intimate. And guess what, Facebook is not intimate. Use other forms of communication, like: a private message, an email, a text, a telegram, a pigeon, a personal delivery service, telepathy, or perhaps tell them in person (gee, what a concept). After all, we know you’re already engaged and also already LIVE TOGETHER. Please girl, we know he’s taken. The wall-length posts are not necessary. So grow you some confidence and enjoy your relationship without trying to prove something to 800 of your “closest” friends.
2. Birthday Thank You MessageThis is passive aggressive way to say “Hey, all you b*tches who forgot my birthday, I’m saying this to make you feel bad so that I hopefully get a belated birthday wish and possibly an apology gift for your lack of memory.” The thank you blast to 800 of your closest friends is not needed. The ones that matter will make an effort to see you in person for your birthday, where you can thank them personally.
3. A Picture of Your Car Wreck… When You Are Perfectly UninjuredThis is another cry for attention… 30+ comments from friends: “OMG! I’m so glad you’re okay! Thank God nothing happened to you!” If you received no injuries, and no one was hurt, why must you showcase it to the world with a message on how lucky you are to be alive? Again, another cry for attention. If posting a picture of your wrecked car is a method to enlighten people on the dangers of texting and driving or driving under the influence, that’s another story. But if none of these things had an effect on your accident, please, keep the photos between you and your auto insurance company.
4. New Phone NumberOkay really? Would you go and blast your social security number to 800 of your closest friends? No! Do you want that creepster from the party three years ago to have your number? Absolutely not! Do you want to be harassed by that drunk guy from the bar that you turned down? No! So, why on earth would you post your new phone number like it’s a sign saying “HEY! CALL ME! HARRASS ME! TEXT ME EVEN THOUGH I HATE YOU!” Here’s an idea, how about you populate your phone book with people you actually care about, rather than the 600 that will respond via Facebook? And guess what, if they really need to reach you, or vice versa… YOU BOTH HAVE FACEBOOK!
5. Vague PostsPosting things like “Don’t you hate when your best friend stabs you in the back” or “Some people really piss me off. You know who you are” or even “I hate when the person who gives you the most love can also take it away just as fast” don’t make anything mysterious. I’m pretty sure whoever you’re posting about knows exactly who you’re talking about! Where is the mystery in that? You’re a grownup! Tell them to their face!
Other Various No-No Postings on Facebook
- Flowers on Valentine’s Day
- What you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner—every day!
- Deaths—can you say awkward?
- How hungover you are—wow you’re so cool, you can party!
- Quotes from the bible, every day of the week—not everyone has the same religion as you and I’m pretty sure God doesn’t have a Facebook so you’re not winning brownie points
- Asking for Money
- Romantic Anniversaries—we all have them.
- Saying “don’t even get me started” in a status…pretty sure you just got yourself started
- Saying you’re “so over Facebook” as you post and comment on photos everyday
Of course, we all live in America, and have freedom of speech. So, I guess using Facebook as your vessel is perfectly fine and dandy! Just, don’t rely on your friend count to be so high, and certainly don’t try to friend me…