To many it's an urban legend...much like Big Foot or Bloody Mary. To others it's the gold standard. And to others it's just something to dream about and wish for. But does it really exist?
FWB ("friends with benefits") has been the subject of talk shows, blogs and at least two films that I can think of. An early Seinfeld episode addressed the topic of FWB and it didn't turn out to well for our heroes Jerry and Elaine. Then again, Kramer seemed to make a career of it.
I have always been a traditional dater: get her number, ask her out, pick her up, compliment her on her shoes, blah blah blah. I have also been a love at first sight person...something that has not really worked well for me in the long run. So, FWB always fell into that urban legend category for me. Something other people did. In the late 90's I did meet a woman and we "dated casually." Looking back it was definitely a FWB scenario but I don't recall that the FWB moniker was part of pop culture at that time. Then again, maybe it was and I just didn't know it since I was busy falling in love at first sight.
So what is it exactly? I'm sure someone very clever has written a definition that exists somewhere on the internet, but to me it's pretty simple. FWB can be with an existing friend or someone you met and possibly even dated and it didn't wok out. You occasionally hang out and do stuff together and have sex. That's it. You are not dating. There is no commitment. You don't always know each others' friends but you genuinely like each other and get along. You may go to the movies, have dinner and talk about work, life, etc. You are friends first. And occasionally get together and have sex. We are all adults with needs, right?
Pitfalls of Friends with Benefits
What about the pitfalls? There are two as I see it: one of you will always want more (a commitment, marriage, etc.) and FWB has a time limit. A short shelf life. It can't last forever.
I met a girl recently who was up for this type of relationship. We went out a few times and she decided that we differed on a few major life topics (marriage, kids, etc.) and she suggested a FWB-type scenario. Twist my arm. So we got together for a lazy day of watching movies, making food and doing what FWB's do. Our first adventure into FWB land was a success. No awkwardness. Did we really pull it off?
No, we didn't. It was like a star athlete in his first game in the pros, and the promise of a bright career, only to have it stamped out by a career-ending ankle injury late in the fourth quarter.
The reasons it didn't work doesn't really matter (if you must know see "pitfalls" above).
So another dating experiment goes into the books. I would certainly not rule this type of relationship out in the future but knowing the pitfalls I would certainly be cautious. Big Foot does exist....who knew she wanted a commitment?
