My friend who coaxed me into online dating told me that the ratio was 20-1. I’ve always said that dating, like marriage, was a gamble but what did he mean by 20-1? What he meant was this: for every 20 women you email/contact via online dating only 1 is likely to email you back.
Really?
Those odds could not possibly apply to me! I’m fresh on the scene, Mr. Big, a divorced man who is not afraid to commit!
While the official particulars are not in I would say my ratio has been 15-1. So the lesson here is this: in the world of online dating, on average and based purely on my experience, men are more likely to contact women. Now I have gotten few "winks" and unsolicited emails but the vast majority of my success has been from me reaching out to women. And that is just fine with me…call me old fashioned. Oh, and (most? many? several?) women don’t seem to want to pay on dates. Well, at least the ones I have been out with don’t. Some offer….one girl actually offered but after I had signed the credit card receipt and handed it back to the waitress. But...I ask out = I pay. That's the way my old man did it and that works for me. No real issue there....just an observation.
What Women Like
According to the profiles I read women like to do: EVERYTHING! Bike, hike, go to museums, play golf, go out to dinner, travel the world, watch sports. Whew! Some even dare us men to "keep up with them" and "catch me if you can." Are they really this active? Not sure I need that full of a dating life...one where I find myself at a Thai place for dinner on Friday, a museum followed by a Cubs game followed by a nature hike on Saturday and wrap up the weekend with a poetry reading, softball game, bike ride and fireworks display on Sunday.
What Men Really Like
My dating coach and married friend Kelly suggested that women don't actually want to do all of this stuff. Rather, they list all of this stuff because they think that is what we (men) want. Newsflash: men don't like to do all that stuff. At least not all the time. We really don't. We like to be active but at the end of the day we are simple creatures who don't need constant activity. A typical day on a weekend may include a combination of the following: a solid breakfast, an activity we like to do (work out, golf, shoot some hoops, watch a game on TV), then spend some quality time with the woman in our life (ONE of the aforementioned activities, maybe a street fest) then a casual dinner (maybe a movie) followed by a drink outside somewhere. Classic, fun and fulfilling. What woman would not be up for that??? Remember that women, on average, exercise their multi-tasking muscles more than men do (a female neurologist explained this to me recently)...so please keep things simple for us simple men, ladies.
Online Profile Pictures
And then there are profile photos: the window to the online dating world. If I had time I would publish a pamphlet about what photos should and should not be posted in on-line dating profiles. But until I get around to that I offer the following observations:
Photos with a thousand other women. Sometimes I can't tell who the actual girl is. If I can't tell by the third photo which one you are I'm out...next!
The pic of yourself in the bathroom mirror. Do you not have anyone in your life that can operate a cell phone camera for you? A friend, a doorman, co-worker, person next to you on the bus? How about a tourist on Michigan Ave? They love taking pictures of just about anything. The other day I saw a tourist take a picture of a revolving door. What a special memory.
One photo of your dog or cat is enough...some say it is one too many.
Landscape and travel photos. We are all very happy and impressed that you have visited multiple countries but several shots of the Taj Mahal from multiple angles in your dating profile is not helping your cause.
Duck lips. If you are not sure what this is...Google it.
So what is appropriate? I like a nice mix: a few photos of just you, a few with friends or family, a funny photo is always refreshing and maybe one at the office. I really like photos of girls in baseball hats with ponytails followed by one in a black evening dress...sign me up.
And for the record....I recently did a search for men my age to see what their photos looked like. My reaction in three words: OMG!
I will say that it is refreshing to read in profiles that so many women are interested in a good sense of humor. This is something that men have heard over the years but most don't believe. A lot of men believe that "funny" has a short shelf life for women and that the "bad boys" will/can move in at any time and leave the funny boys in the dust. That or the men that "need changing"...women love to change their men or at least the challenge of it. I actually believe that both scenarios can be true. Women do like an entertaining man but some are on the lookout for the, as my mechanic calls it, the BBD (Bigger, Better Deal). And my mechanic is a smart guy. Men can be the same way. I've seen women date the funny, entertaining guy only to leave him when the Joe six-pack, Mr. Brooding or the bad boy comes along. Sucks to be funny I guess. But I will believe what I read....so funny it is.
In the end it is all fun and I am enjoying my search. But I must say that I am growing tired of sitting across dinner tables from strangers. I've been divorced for a while now and while I have enjoyed dating I feel that I am ready for a girlfriend. One girlfriend. But I have come across what I am calling my dating dilemma....more on that next time.
