The new F-word is "fear." This bad word may be the worst one of them all because it is often fear that's behind our self-sabotaging ways. When you find yourself saying "no," when you really want to say "yes." Or you are wondering why the promotion you want or the relationship you yearn for is not happening. Fear may be the culprit holding you back.
We have four ways to face down your fears and take a giant step toward the goals and dreams in front of you.
Write down all the things that have you worried, frustrated or feeling anxious. Now look for a common link. That is what you fear. Once you name your fear, it is easier to find ways to face your fear.
If you find yourself turning down invitations from friends, like going to a festival or concert, ask yourself why. You stay in instead of going out with the girls. Are you really too tired, or is it something else?
Maybe the truth is that you have a real issue like an undependable bladder that leaves you feeling nervous about being too far from a bathroom. In this case, you realize the problem isn't the invitation or a long day, but your fear of having no place to change clothes or people learning about your problem.
It is a simple one, but it applies to many of the everyday fears we all have. Once you realize the real fear behind the worries and anxieties, it is easier to deal with it.
"Name It" leads to our next step... solve it! Whatever the root cause of your fear, find a solution! In the bathroom case, try wearing pads made specifically for LBL. It seems like a small thing, but once you learn to trust that you are prepared, the fight or flight fear will disappear and you can live worry-free.
Take a step back, Not literally, but emotionally, to play the role of observer. Look at what is going on from a distance. This will help you put your emotions in check.
Say you dread going to work or seeing a friend. Imagine not doing either. Ask, "What is the worst that can happen?" If the answer is something you can live with, then let go of your anger or frustration and accept the person or the job for what it is. If you can't live with the answer, then make a move to move on. Seeing the situation from a different point of view can help you let go of negative feelings and come to terms with your decision to stay friends or stay at your job. You may realize your negative emotions had you acting in a way that caused some of the things you hate. Having a more accepting attitude can change your outlook on a situation and in turn create a better situation all around.
Take a breath and consider the source of your fear. Is it even your fear? Make sure the obstacles you see are coming from you and not comments from friends, family or other people in your life. Once you realize the criticisms from other people are fueling your own fears, it is easier to let go of the feelings holding you back.
Take ownership of your feelings of fear by taking a look at what is driving those emotions. Once you find ways to solve those problems or shine a light on the cause, you will find the things standing in your way will disappear.