Womens Forum - The Place For Moms

I used to work with a guy who made it a practice to use sports analogies every chance he got.  "Let's huddle-up," "it's fourth and goal here people," "we need a slam dunk on this one."  You get the point. 
 
Recently a friend and I were talking about dating and relationships and she mentioned the term Dating Tennis in relation to some stories I was telling her.  Never thought I would use a sports analogy for an installment of Dating Tales....let's hope it is a grand slam.

It’s been almost four months since I exited the fast-paced world of online dating.  A world filled with equal parts excitement, intrigue, deception and depravity.  It was a wild, fun ride and I loved every minute of it.  I wouldn’t say that I miss it but I do miss one part of it: dating.  I haven’t dated much since venturing out on my own.  Come to think of it….I’ve had one date since leaving online dating in January.
 
I’ve been trying to figure out this strange hiatus.  Granted I was, as friends told me, a dating madman in the 8 months following my divorce but since January I’ve come to a complete stop.   Over lunch recently, a friend offered the following:  I have become socially lazy.

After 11 months, an estimated $5,000+ and an unmentionable number of hangovers and dates, I have retired from online dating.  Will I be like a lot of boxers and return to the ring after an elaborate retirement press conference?  Will I pull a Brett Favre?  A Jordan?  Perhaps….but not right now.

To many it's an urban legend...much like Big Foot or Bloody Mary.  To others it's the gold standard.  And to others it's just something to dream about and wish for.  But does it really exist?  
 
FWB ("friends with benefits") has been the subject of talk shows, blogs and at least two films that I can think of.  An early Seinfeld episode addressed the topic of FWB and it didn't turn out to well for our heroes Jerry and Elaine.  Then again, Kramer seemed to make a career of it.

On paper, online dating was supposed to be easy.  Well, perhaps not easy but definitely not this complicated.  I'm in my early 40's, divorced, no kids, solid career (knock on wood), void of any major emotional issues, great friends and family and a very positive outlook on life.  I would have to say that I am happier in most ways now then I have ever been.
 
But I don't have someone special in my life.  And I kind of wish I did.  I feel that I am now ready for a girlfriend....to date just one person.  Online dating was supposed to help me.  It really hasn't (yet).

My friend who coaxed me into online dating told me that the ratio was 20-1.  I’ve always said that dating, like marriage, was a gamble but what did he mean by 20-1?  What he meant was this:  for every 20 women you email/contact via online dating only 1 is likely to email you back. 
 
Really?
 
Those odds could not possibly apply to me!  I’m fresh on the scene, Mr. Big, a divorced man who is not afraid to commit!

So I'm several months into online dating and overall I have had a very fun time.  Online dating (dating in general) while at times is taxing, time consuming and expensive has overall been a fun and positive experience for me.  I've been out with some very nice, successful and beautiful women.  But there have been a few bumps in the road.  One girl even stood me up!

So the big day was finally here: my first first date in over ten years.  Crazy.  Of course I got to the restaurant early to make sure I could land a nice table in the window.  Like me she was separated and it was her first date as well via online dating.  I was trying to play it cool but it felt weird waiting for a woman that was not my wife to show up.  Even though I was separated and my soon-to-be ex wife was already dating someone else it just did not feel entirely right.  Then it hit me:  are my shoes cool?

My excellent married friend Kelly and I have always had a unique relationship.  We like to say that we “let each other behind the ropes” in terms of what males and females are really thinking.  And when I decided to jump back into dating she said that I needed cool guy clothes.  Now, I wear a suit and tie everyday and I own that look.  But when it comes to casual clothes I have to admit that over the years as a married man I paid a little less attention to the casual side of my wardrobe.  I’ve always been sort of a clothes horse but didn’t really have any cool dating clothes.  So on the advice of my dating coach Kelly, I headed to Nordstrom’s.

My name is Jack and I am a recently divorced man who has not dated since before September, 2001.  Dating again has been equal parts fun, time consuming, exciting, depressing, expensive and illuminating.  I've been in Chicago most of my life and live and work downtown.  I was with my ex-wife for ten years and we just grew apart like so many married couples do.  A lot has changed in ten years (texting and dating) and a lot of things have stayed the same (butterflies) and this blog is the story of my return to all of it.  This is my first blog and my goal in writing it is simple:

...to share my perspective on the crazy world of dating and provide a few laughs for those who stop by to read what I have to say.  Plus....if I can do this consistently I will save a ton on therapy!