Married? Newlywed? On Your 10th Year? Make Sure You're Not Doing These Select Things.
When kids enter the picture, the whole dynamic changes for the good and the bad. But, that's how we get to know each other. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Those of us that are, know it. Those of us that are divorced know it. And those of us that are divorced and remarried know it. Marriage is about two people loving each other enough to respect their wishes and wants, even if we think it is ridiculous. And in exchange, our partner needs to do the same. It is a reciprocal effort and sometimes not so easy. Based on studies, here is what not to do in a marriage so that you will still love the man to the end.
1. Dispute Money Issues
Most marital strife centers on how to handle money in a marriage. Do you share a joint account or separate accounts? If you are a stay-home-mom you don't really have a choice unless you demand a certain amount every pay period to put in a separate account. But most women feel funny doing that. Still, you are saving on daycare and if you and your spouse agree on it, then go for it! Decide what your discretionary income is. Agree that you will not spend over ??? amount without consulting with the other.
Many divorced people have stated that if they get married again, they will have separate accounts. Simply put, different people put different values on what is important to spend money on. Let me just say that if you are not the main bread winner, you still have a say. Raise hell and help him know that by honoring your wishes he respects and loves you.
2. Withdraw Affection
Divorced people may not have shown each other enough affection. And guess what? Men, men, men need more affection than us! Can you believe it? Even though they don't show it, men crave being noticed and recognized as special by their spouses. But we grew up hopefully feeling that from our parents, so it would stand to reason that we don't need the cheesy stuff as much as them. Or do we? The bottom line is to schedule cuddling time for the both of you regularly. To not do so is to jeopardize your marriage.
3. Find Fault with Each Other
We are never wrong, right? But really, the best thing to do is to both admit faults unless he's emotionally abusing and beating the crap out of you. Don't put up with that. And if you do end up getting divorced, you need to get counseling and let it go so that you can move on.
4. Don't Communicate
Most divorced people regret this part of their marriage. With jobs and kids it's easy to lose track of each other in the attempts to keep soldiering on. Take at least 10 minutes each day to talk about you and him . . . no kids.
If you do get divorced, let go of the negative feelings so that you can move on, whether alone or with another person. And take great steps to "do it better" this time. We are all more alike than different. Fight for a good relationship. Take the high road! A good spouse will follow you. But if not, take another road.
If you're already past these points, and wondering if you should in fact get a divorce, check out our article- Should I Get a Divorce? http://www.womensforum.com/should-i-get-divorced.html
Should I Get a Divorce?