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50th Bday Mom TalkI turned 50 about a week ago, and while I must admit (in the spirit of full disclosure) that in the days leading up this milestone, my emotions were all over the place.

At times, I found myself very weepy, (missing my dad) and then as soon as that pity party would end, I would cross right into panic mode, kind of like a downhill skier during an Olympic run who suddenly remembered she'd never taken a lesson in her life. Once I'd get myself off that mountain, I'd calm myself down by wondering if my seven-and-a-half-year-old-son was too young to retain (for all eternity, no less) any of the memories we'd shared this far in his young life. You know, airy little subjects to lighten my mood.

Can someone say Xanax?

However, in the days that passed since turning 50, I feel pretty much the same as I did when I was 49. I'll leave that open for your own interpretation, LOL.

So much for my week of mid-life drama.

Tangent: Can we clarify something, please? Whomever decided that a midlife crisis happens at 50, really has a lot of explaining to do. Since we all think this is when the so-called drama rears its ugly head (read: creepy guy in red sports car, leaves devoted wife circa age 50/55) and we declare, "Midlife crisis!"

Well, unless that creep is going to (unjustly) live until 100 or 110, someone's math is way off. And all the while, our own thinking has us believing that midlife occurs at 50, when truth be told, ladies, we're about a decade late to our own meltdown.

All I'm saying is that when 50 rolled in and every internal recording started blaring their not-so-calming warnings including:

Have you saved enough for retirement? (Next question, thanks).

Are you exercising daily? (See answer above and bite me while you're at it)

Are you living the life you'd be living if you knew that you were dying (I hate this question. I read it in a book 25 years ago and can't banish it from my thoughts).

What will your second (or third) act be? WHAT?

Do you have unfulfilled dreams and ambitions that you would regret not accomplishing? (Honey, get a legal pad. This is going to take some time. WHO DOESN'T?)

Are all your essential documents in place for your children? (Yes, thank God. One measly check on the list)

And finally, are you doing all you can to reduce stress the stress in your life?

Gee, thanks. 

What I'm saying is that after this fabulous non-Chopra-like loop started playing (and repeating in my mind) setting of a five-alarm emotional blaze that no amount of chocolate or deep breaths could put out, I had another revelation: I was quite possibly five or ten years too late to my own momentary midlife crisis, considering that most women's life expectancy is roughly 81, depending upon which online life expectancy chart you choose to believe.

Note to readers: Don't even bother to look at them online. That will add one week to your (late) midlife meltdown. And some of them will already have you dead by the time you read them.

Until Next Time,


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