Sleepovers: Are They Responsible?

For many of us, sleepover parties are a standard memory of growing up. On Friday nights, we gathered at a girlfriend's house, ate cookie dough, watched movies, braided each other's hair and played truth or dare—harmless fun, right? Of course, some of us may remember that a sleepover was the place where we first kissed a boy, drank beer, smoked cigarettes and looked at pornography. For a growing number of parents, sleepover parties are considered taboo. Should we let our kids have sleepovers, or are we just asking for trouble?

Teen and Pre-teen Sleepovers

For many small children, sleepovers are a fun way to spend time with family and friends. Little kid sleepovers usually aren’t an issue because sleep is actually a major part of the activity. Sleepovers at grandma's house or the home of a trusted friend or relative are generally safe, but what about slumber parties for teens and pre-teens? Is it okay to allow older kids to police themselves overnight?

The problem with many teen sleepovers is that they are largely unsupervised. Even good kids can make bad decisions when faced with the combination of peer pressure and sleep deprivation. It only takes one rebel to introduce something forbidden—and therefore alluring to teens—to a sleepover party.

Sleepover Statistics

• Many teens report that their first sexual experience occurred at a sleepover or late at night at a friend's house.
• Parents often aren't aware of what teens are doing at sleepovers because they are either asleep themselves or trying to give the kids privacy.
• First time drug use for teens often occurs at sleepovers or late night parties.
• Statistics show that teens are more likely to engage in illegal or illicit behavior in large, unsupervised groups. These behaviors range from vandalism to sexual assault.
• Younger children may be victimized at sleepovers.
• Many victims of child molestation report that their molesters first approached them at a sleepover with the molester most often being an adult male living or staying in the house.

The truth is, sleepovers are difficult to regulate and can easily get out of hand. Many parents are choosing to not allow slumber parties at all. Others have created sleepover alternatives that still embrace the fun of the activity while limiting the potential dangers.

Sleepover Options

Single Guest Sleepover: One option for smarter sleepover parties is to only allow one trusted friend to sleep over at a time. Kids are less likely to get in to trouble if there are only two of them that share similar values.

Sleepover Camp: There are a lot of professional sleepover camps that range from multi-week summer camps to single overnight excursions to museums, zoos and aquariums. Kids will be supervised the entire time and have a chance to learn something about an area of interest.

Late Night: Consider lengthening your teen or pre-teen's curfew by an hour or two on the condition that those hours be spent with friend in your home under adult supervision. Send everyone home at the agreed upon time.

If you do decide to allow a traditional sleepover party, make sure that you are ready to keep an eye on things, even if that means staying up as late as the teens do. Restrict the gathering to girls or boys only, and insist that all entertainment, food and activities be approved by you first.